I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
