I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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