I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
