Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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