i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
