first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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