That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
