I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
