do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
