I met the friendliest cop last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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