Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I take back everything I said about communal showers
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
