my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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