I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
