Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize