his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
