It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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