How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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