she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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