He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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