Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
