Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
