dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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