in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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