I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
