I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
