She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
