East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
