I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
