We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
