Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And then he peed in my hair
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