Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
