You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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