and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
