haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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