i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
