the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
