We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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