She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
