If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
