About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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