True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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