May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
