Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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