He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
