your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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