just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
