dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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