Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
