Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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