i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
