After last night, I could never be a politician.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
