Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
