My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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