apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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