At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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