Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The air taste purple.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
