At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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