my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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