I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
