i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
