No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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