sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
