don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
