I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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