Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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