So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
