Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
