My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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