I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he shaved USA in his pubs
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
