So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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