ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
