Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize