I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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